The internet is like a boomerang, what goes around comes around (unless you suck at throwing boomerangs in which case you’ll spend a lot of time hunting through bushes while insisting to your parents that it was worth your allowance before finally learning how to use it and realize they’re inside and stopped watching an hour ago.)
Some months ago the former roommate of my now former roommate came to visit (confusing, but relevant). As far as house guests go, he had the manipulative core of a Donald Trump with the overly friendly shell of a Bradley Cooper. Reciprocity for any deed was either deemed to have ben ‘planned as a surprise for later’ or met with high pitched surprise questioning, “I thought it was because we were friends!”
If you ever call someone on their bullshit and their response involves them calling your friendship into question — it’s not the kind of friendship you want to preserve.
Seduced by the wolf in sheep’s clothing, I ended up introducing him to a friend who I’ve known for six years and knew would be a potential partner. While the wolf had proclaimed on multiple occasions that he would pay me for selling his services, the connection was made because I knew it would be mutually beneficial.
Compromising a relationship for a short term payoff is akin to a drug dealer selling anthrax instead of cocaine and still hoping to get repeat customers.
While the friend I introduced was openly communicative throughout the development of their partnership and overwhelmingly appreciative in the process… the wolf remained silent. I made a passing comment to my former roommate, someone who I’m still close with both personally and professionally, and got a “thanks” text an hour later.
Yesterday, plugging the energy leak, I called him out on his bullshit. Having danced around the topic in the beginning of the conversation I cut to the chase asking:
“Are you recanting your offer to pay me commission or are you just really shitty about communicating your plans to do so?”
His response was so atrocious… it was worth writing about:
I was under the impression that we were helping each other with our unique skills without expecting something in return because we were friends. … I worked with him over months before he signed up. I think its a bit unreasonable that you want to get commissions on warm introductions.
Unique skills huh? My skills involve making highly profitable connections and yours… involve breaking promises and having shitty follow through? Yea, no thanks.
Let’s look at this logically for a moment. The guy I introduced has web properties that drive 5M monthly visitors and are growing rapidly. That kind of guy doesn’t convert through a sales page — he works with people he knows. I was the wolf’s “in” and yet he took full credit for the deal coming to fruition.
Your logic is useless to a wolf, no need to waste the energy explaining.
The One Thing principle we discussed in Busy Ain’t Better pushing you to focus on doing one thing, but the same applies with your expectations of people. As Maya Angelou said to Oprah, “when people show you who they are, believe them.”
I unfriended the wolf on Facebook, kicked him from my networking group, and washed my hands of the conversation saying I won’t make any more “warm introductions.”
Humorously, I got a message this morning from an acquaintance back east. He was looking to commission a custom engagement ring and remembered a comment I had made about the guy I worked with… three years ago. I talk to this guy less than I talk to my ex-fiancé and yet he remembered my comments and made the connection.
This morning Kennon of Vermont Gem Lab posted this…
These aren’t the “thanks for the introduction, let me send you wine” kind of things, but rather “you paid my mortgage for the year” kind of referrals. Kennon is not only an astoundingly talented jeweler, but he’s one of the kindest humans I know. He invited me into his home, took me jet boating on a regular basis, and forcibly bought me drinks anytime we went out together (which was multiple times a week). While he hasn’t yet cut me any five figure checks, he always makes me feel appreciated.
Make people feel appreciated as much as you feel grateful.
Get creative. Appreciation is an opportunity to show someone how much they mean to you… and how well you know them. Buying someone concert tickets is awesome, but knowing which event they want to go to without asking will blow their mind.
If you’re unaware… there’s a research tool called “Facebook”.
Speaking of forging connections and supporting magnificent people. As I wrote this, I spotted a familiar beard and felt compelled to introduce myself… and take a selfie.
For those of you that aren’t bearded super nerds and marketing fanboys… this is Chris Stoikos, Founder of Dollar Beard Club and this magnificent promotional video.
- Don’t expect people to be anything that they’re not.
- Make people feel valued equivalent to how much you feel grateful.
- Never be afraid of making an introduction… they might need your help 😉