Yesterday’s email seems to have struck a chord.
Madi T. and I had been exchanging emails following Invest In Conversation and ultimately it led to her writing a post for Medium. She shared it with me and appended the comment, “Thanks for telling me to go for it” so obviously… I had to read it.
Digital Empathy can be easily overlooked. I wasn’t in the room with Madi. I couldn’t hear the excitement in her voice or see the vibrance of her facial expressions as she shared this with me. Those eight words hidden below her link and that told me everything.
Madi was crediting part of her brilliance to my prompts. What I said, or didn’t say, would carry immense weight. While I was swamped with client work, the new website launch, and attempting (unsuccessfully) to buy a motorcycle — making time for her was important.
Her article wrapped valuable insights about standing out in today’s world of shitty resumes, but did so within a blanket of humor (great minds think alike). She’s always had a knack for the written word, but seeing her progress so quickly was astoundingly impressive.
I did my best to communicate the emotion of this to her in my response:
I love that you mention an earlier writing (it’s one of my secret tactics for sucking people in). The same can be said about how you mention (and prop) someone else early on in your story. Writing can be a bit like picking up people at the bar — social proof goes a long way. Your passion and drive are inspiring Madi, I can’t thank you enough for letting me be a part of your story.
Her response to my praise was as humorous as the article she shared:
It’s one thing when my parents say, “Go write cause you’re good!”. Parents are supposed to say those things. It’s another thing when someone like you says, “Hey, you’re using your voice well and making a lot of progress.” It’s like being a little kid, unsure of your place in the world (e.g. “I’m not good enough to be one of the big kids, I can’t even tie my shoes yet!”), and you learn to tie your shoes and the teacher gives you a sticker with a penguin on it that says, “I can dress myself!” and you’re like HECK YES I CAN DRESS MYSELF.
Earlier in the day Jasmine P. reached out as well. Speaking of compliments and how uncomfortable it can be to accept them she shared the wisdom of her former mentor:
As a mentor told me one time when I downplayed a compliment: “Do you realize it’s like calling the person giving you the compliment a fucking idiot?” I about fell off my chair when I thought about it that way. I am working on owning what I have done and at least have learned, with much practice (which was one of the assignments she gave me) to say thank you and then shut up!
These two stories reminded me of when I wrote the Facebook ads prank. I first shared it with the roommate I’d pranked to get clearance and, knowing his propensity to be picky about his literature, was flattered when he added “it’s good” with a smile. I then shared it with my Mom (obviously) who raved about how well it was written and said she wanted to share it with my former teachers who saw me struggle in school. I wanted to accept my Mom’s compliments, but… she was just my mom. She had to say those things.
Next, I went to my best friend. She started laughing hysterically and said it was amazing. I was flattered, but immediately discounted her comments as she was a teacher and didn’t know anything about marketing. Looking for someone who could appreciate the trickery of the advertising, I sent it to a few marketing friends for their feedback and they raved about how it was the best thing they’d ever read. However, I discarded their enthusiasm too as I thought I was a better marketer. Looking up the ladder of experience for feedback, I reached out to a marketing mentor of mine and they echoed the praise of all those who’d seen it, but they were my mentor and supporting you is what mentors are supposed to do.
“Ok…” I said to myself, “I need to find someone who’s marketing skills I admire, but who also hates me” and the answer immediately jumped to mind. I’d met this cute girl at a bar and, while she was extremely uninterested, she was the head of marketing for a multi-billion dollar company that was equal parts creative and socially responsible. Perfect.
I sent it to her (and nagged her fore a few days) before I finally got a response. “Holy fuck” she said “you’re an evil genius.” It was at that point, and only at that point, that I realized it might be good enough to post. Only months later did I realized how asinine this was.
In particular, it was when my new friend Craig read it for the first time:
That was over a year ago and still I watch the video when I need encouragement. You won’t always be standing next to someone as they absorb themselves into your world, but remind yourself that compliments often communicate a fraction of the praise intended.
Your ability to express empathy through digital mediums affords you the power to lure people into alternate worlds. You can plant an entire universe in someone else’s mind.
Digital Empathy isn’t natural, but—with practice—it becomes a highly leverageable skill.
As Angela S. shared from the unlikely wisdom of her vampire novel , “See what kind of a pretzel you can tie yourself into and press on the understood.” ~ Robin McKinley
When was the last time you pushed up against something uncomfortable?