That subject line was weird as fuck, but go with me for a minute. It’ll make sense.
In No Shoes Allowed, I talked about how my friend Aaron S. had invited me to be his +1 at a gathering of humans. He always invites me to fun stuff, but this time seemed different for some reason. His message seemed as though he was trying to convince me to attend and that led me to believe that he wanted me in attendance. Maybe it was just me, but I got the sense that he needed some support, a wingman perhaps.
As I left the house, I made a commitment to myself. I was going to spend the whole night focused on supporting him and making sure—no matter what—that he had a good time.
If I’m honest with myself, I failed to keep my commitment.
There were two rather cute girls there and I was more focused on not acting like an idiot more than supporting my friend. Reflecting back on the evening, Aaron was somewhat sullen and I never paused long enough to bring him back into the moment.
At one point Aaron leaned in to share a text from a mutual friend who was inviting us to a club in West Hollywood. While the DJ was supposed to be magnificent, it was a forty-five minute drive and would likely have carried on until sunrise. While I don’t think Aaron was too interested in an eight hour bender, my answer was immediate and entirely my own.
I hadn’t stopped to ask him what he wanted before telling him what I wanted.
Yesterday at the cafe, I ran into a girl I matched with on Bumble months back. Considering that the jokingly assigned name Ms. Button Nose—who’s been mysteriously absent as of late—caught on and became a thing, let’s refer to this girl as Ms. Ultimate Bubbles. Her personality—almost identical of our sole mutual friend—is like a tidal wave of positive energy.
She’s the ultimate example a “bubbly” disposition.
After matching, we had connected in every way possible, but never managed to make a date happen. Something or someone always came up. While working next to one another at the cafe—which we’ve done a few times in the past—things got more flirty and physical than usual. After our batteries died, we ended up going for an early dinner and ice cream.
Finding a quiet place to sit and talk, it was clear that 100% of her focus was on me.
We parted ways, but she ultimately came over for wine a few hours later and wound up staying the night. Every moment I was with her, she was focused entirely on me. Aside from the photos and snaps we took together, I can’t ever recall her ever using her phone.
She wanted me to feel special and that’s exactly what I felt.
What she made me feel was what I had intended to do for Aaron as his +1 and failed completely… the feeling special part… not the naked sleepover part… sorry Aaron.
In a similar vein—while monitoring a post about orgasm moaning for PrimeMind—I found a submission to /r/TwoXChromosomes titled ‘I had the most amazing sex last night with a man who couldn’t get it up’ and a particular excerpt of the story caught my attention. Within her story the woman stated, “I have never felt so admired, sexy, or looked after.”
It’s not just in the bedroom. The same power lies within marketing, sales, customer service, user experience design, etc. You have the ability to make people feel special.
Consider the wisdom of ‘1,000 True Fans‘ on The Technium:
A creator, such as an artist, musician, photographer, craftsperson, performer, animator, designer, videomaker, or author – in other words, anyone producing works of art – needs to acquire only 1,000 True Fans to make a living.
A True Fan is defined as someone who will purchase anything and everything you produce. They will drive 200 miles to see you sing. They will buy the super deluxe re-issued hi-res box set of your stuff even though they have the low-res version. They have a Google Alert set for your name. They bookmark the eBay page where your out-of-print editions show up. They come to your openings. They have you sign their copies. They buy the t-shirt, and the mug, and the hat. They can’t wait till you issue your next work. They are true fans.
While this was said of artists, the same notions are true in building any brand. Your first 1,000 True Fans will cascade into building your audience and ultimately your business.
Focus on winning over 1,000 people and converting them into True Fans. It’s not a matter of broadcasting magnificence, True Fans are won through individual connections.
This article is the very reason I’ve responded to every email and every comment. It’s why I refrain from being rudely dismissive even when I feel someone is wasting my time. By winning over as many people as possible one conversation at a time, I have spent the last few months working to create True Fans… and it’s paying off in every way possible.
You don’t need to know why you’re making someone feel special (e.g. to covert a customer or secure a referral), that will come in time. Just focus intently on their experience and—for a moment in time—make them feel like they’re the center of the universe.
As you read this, commit to making one person feel special within the next 24 hours.
It could be with a thoughtful comment, a considerate question, a small gift, or a passionate hug. It doesn’t matter how you do it, but focus on assessing their needs and fulfill them.
When you make someone else feel special, you experience that feeling with them.
See? Now the subject “Experience Their Orgasm” makes sense.
P.S. If you’re still reading this, it makes me feel special.
P.P.S. Making me feel special doesn’t count, you still need to do it for someone else.