Yesterday was not a good day.
As soon as the Forbes ‘Under 30’ piece was posted, I realized it was a mistake. Not because I didn’t appreciate the accolade, but rather that Redditors aren’t particularly fond of the words ‘Reddit’ and ‘Marketing’ being in the same sentence. Just 24 hours after it was posted, my brand monitoring alarms started ringing like church bells.
You can leverage Reddit for marketing, but God help you if talk about it.
First submitted to /r/conspiracy and then to /r/hailcorporate, the story seeded entire threads of people attacking the fundamental nature of my humanity without having even read the article, listened to the podcast, or otherwise investigated to suss out the reality. With each new upvote, I felt an increasing tightness in my chest. With each new comment made, I felt tension in my jaw. With each new submission I felt a layer of skin being removed. The world, as it seemed, was out to get me.
That’s how this email could have been written and the preceding paragraph isn’t not true, but there is an equally true reality that made the attacks nothing but a dim glow.
Having been swamped with an upcoming project launch I’d gotten a bit backlogged on answering your emails and figured this as good a time as any to power through them. While I’d like to think I have a thick skin, your emails added a few layers.
Your emails were (often) kind, but it was the intelligence that floored me.
Responding to ‘Invest In Conversation‘, King M. shared:
One thing I’ve struggled with in the past, is figuring out how to start dialogues with influential people online, which is directly in line with your email. It’s struggling to see other people’s perspectives and situations, things which would have a direct impact on how I reached out to them.
Having pushed through the same barrier, I relating to his struggle in my response:
The ability to be “real” is a learned one. Saying, “I’m sure you get this all the time but… (followed by one to two highly specific sentences about how they’ve brought you value)” or “This might sound trite, but let me know what I can do to help” will go a long way. It’s equal parts human, honest, and direct (which is kind of the trifecta).
After responding to King, I opened Ben’s email and he provided a far better answer:
I work with independent musicians who have been guilty of these cold-call faux pas and we work to establish far more effective strategies. Doing so has actually helped to strengthen my awareness of various perspectives significantly. The artist variable multiplied by the context of the lead creates for a lot of different perspectives to consider. There’s certainly struggle at times, though I’ve found success in reaching out to contacts to better understand the perspectives of people in their particular position. Getting someone to tell you what they want isn’t very difficult. This is amazing, considering so few people seem to bother to find out. Doing so certainly makes cutting through the noise a lot easier.
There’s one sentence in Ben’s message that jumped off the page for me:
Getting someone to tell you what they want isn’t very difficult.
The same can be true in a different context, you can tell people what you want before they ask. Most marketers aren’t forthcoming about what they want from you and instead put multiple layers of offers behind multiple layers of paywalls. There’s always deeper to go into their rabbit hole and you will never know the extent of it.
That seems absurd to me. Much like a romantic relationship, I have one offer and that’s a monthly membership to Ghost Influence. There’s no “elite team” or super exclusive mastermind sold within, it’s a community for support — just as advertised.
That said, many of you have contacted me outside of that relationship asking how we can work together or partner on a project. In these cases I am very clear that I do not know where things will end up and we communicate to figure it out together.
The more honest you are in telling people who you are, the more meaningful the truth will be when they share whether they love or hate you — both are fantastic outcomes. Similarly, the more honestly you can tell someone what you want, the more meaningful the truth will be when they determine whether they can (or will) be the provider of such an outcome. Embrace truth and welcome rejection.
If this sounds over simplified, it is. Finding out who you truly are and what you truly want is a never ending explorative process. With any process, it’s best to start small.
I’ve been abundantly clear that I appreciate criticism and Rich R. has accepted that offer on more than one occasion by correcting my (horrifying) lack of proofreading.
Maybe I’m just an old fart anal perfectionist, but I just want to see you accept no less than excellence. Words matter. Errors impede the flow of communication. Of course, you can always unsubscribe me if / when I become too much of a nuisance… but realize I’ve taken a page out of your book, using confrontation to motivate.
With my genuinely appreciative response and mention to the fact that the last two emails were perfectly proofread as a result of his callout, Rich responded:
<blockquote
Many thanks for your reply. After sending my email, I became concerned that it was too harsh. I never want to crush your spirit. When there was no reply, I could almost hear “Fuck you!” right before you deleted it/me… and was quite relieved when the next day’s message arrived on time… so I was still onboard. I’m confident your good work will only grow greater with time, like a fine wine. Honest communication. The very best.
Rich, someone whom I have never met, was giving me the criticism I requested and then telling me “I never want to crush your spirit.” For all intents and purposes, a stranger on the internet was showing consideration for my well being. Soak that in.
You needn’t have any emotional attachments to anyone or anything in which you don’t not consciously choose to have those attachments.

In the context of the conversation it was clear that this guy hadn’t read anything more than the headline of the Forbes article (if that). My emotional attachment to his words were as nonexistent as his investment in understanding the perspective’s of others.
There were however, in a conversation dedicated to attacking me, three notable conversations. The first was someone asking a potent question regarding the nature of Reddit’s algorithm and my answer, mostly copied from ‘Reddit’s Human Element‘, was well received and appreciated. The second was a conversation with someone who I didn’t know at the time of responding, was a moderator of /r/conspiracy. They said, “Thanks for stopping by and giving our users access to your side of the story.”
I responded with a great deal of gratitude as, in the context of the discussion, the notion of “thanks” was a welcomed shift in energy. They asked a rather potent question themselves and their response to my answer evoked hysterical laughter.

The moderator of a community labeled /r/conspiracy, just offered appreciation for my investment into the conversation. This, if nothing else, is validation of the power contained within understanding someone else’s perspective. Be authentic, that’s it.
The “Magic Formula” for going viral on Reddit (or anywhere)… be authentic.
An inclusion I suggested for the Forbes article:
According to Scott Stratten, the president of Un-Marketing, a “viral” moment happens when you achieve a “greater reach than your own. Viral isn’t a number, viral is simply going farther than you can reach.
Plato, Shakespeare, Freud, Einstein, Jobs… they all went “viral”.
It’s important to note that authenticity and truthfulness are different things. They are both equally validated, but different nonetheless. Truth is saying “I created this” while authenticity is genuinely and enthusiastically telling people why it was created.
After my interaction with Flytape, I wasn’t surprised to see in the community rules:
We respect everyone’s opinions and ALL religions. … This is a forum for free thinking, not hate speech. Respect other views and opinions, and keep an open mind.
Flytape lived by the same rules with which the community was moderated. He was respectful of alternative views, even if he didn’t agree or adopt them as his own, and kept an open mind when (almost) everyone else jumped to a sensationalist attack.
Another authentic comment that gave me a chuckle was “I will give you the benefit of the doubt. If this was an elaborate advertisement, you got away with it.” It illustrated another way people appreciate authenticity. It can be scary to bare your soul, as a human or a brand, but the freedom harnessed by that expression brings meaningful connection… or people call you an asshole, either outcome is favorable.
Don’t get me wrong, while you should offer authenticity that acts as a filter for those you encounter, (warranted) criticism is not to be dismissed. Negativity is feedback like any other. It’s value should be assessed, validated, and acted upon if necessary. When someone tells you “your product is shit” you can dismiss it as a flippant comment. Conversely, if someone writes several paragraphs with specific details about the disjointed nature of your user interface and poor customer service — you should buy them dinner and interview them about how they think you can improve.
When you’re truly authentic, people’s responses are truer indicators of how they perceive you. When you have that, it’s clear where to invest in genuine connection.
As Aaron S. said (and so inspired the subject line of this email):

Where do you feel the greatest friction in speaking authentically?