086: Mistaken For Rage

My recent enthusiasm seems to have been mistaken for Kanye level anger.

Based on the five percent increase in clickthrough and humorous flurry of responses to yesterday’s Respectfully, Fuck Off email—many of which were from first respondents like Tom M, Gray B, Jamie W, and Mike H—I’ve learned a few important lessons.

Lesson #1 was as abrupt as it was simple: you love sensationalist subject lines.

This isn’t just an assumption based on the data, Tom M. said it to my face:

I haven’t read all your emails, mostly the ones with the interesting subject lines… my dick pic, and this one. I have to say though that there’s a possibility that you have some of the best email marketing in the world, and I’m now most likely going to go back through your emails and see what I’ve missed.

The implications of that last sentence knocked me back a few steps. The sensationalist subject line had prompted Tom’s click, but it had inadvertently reawakened his interest in the series as a whole and resulted in him going back through my other emails.

Sensationalism and profanity can be useful, but only when used selectively.

The overuse of any method will result in dilution of it’s strength. The Digital Empathy taught within Ghost Influence is a ‘communicated understanding’ and the process begins with an assessment of your landscape. In 2009, it might have been effective to use bot accounts to retweet your latest blog post, but the landscape has changed and people want connection.

To revise Lesson #1, you love sensationalist subject lines… sometimes. While today’s email was ‘This Fucking Email’, it was a continuation of the thread. If I used profanity—or mention of dick pics—in the title of every subject and didn’t have the relevant content to back my sensationalist claims, you’d likely get annoyed and stop paying attention.

Case and point: Upworthy, who’s social reach is getting murdered by social algorithm changes that protect users from a continual stream of overly sensationalist clickbait.

Rise above the click-bait. (a fantastic tagline someone bestowed on PrimeMind)

Marianna E. prompted a few rather interesting realizations as well. Following a story of her own version of Jayme, a heckler who pulled along side her as she walked her dog:

Well played Brian, well played. These opinionated self righteous randoms do not matter and teach everyone laughing at them a little lesson in humility. How many small children subscribe to marketing newsletters?? lol get a grip dude. As for me, no amount of prudishness will get in the way of good information like that guy said. I thought they would have all been weeded out by now haha. Keep building cool shit, you have changed my world.

Emphasis mine. Marianna’s statement about prudishness carries with it an interesting condition—and compliment—regarding “good information”. Her final sentence was one of those artfully succinct comments that will no doubt stick with me for years to come.

While attending a conference, I overheard someone as Pat Flynn to recount the moment in which he felt that he had first “made it.” He detailed a sad, yet inspirational, story about a man who—facing an illness the doctors deemed terminal—fought to stay with his family. In a dramatic turn of events, the man recovered and later ran a full marathon as a massive “fuck you” to the death sentence delivered by the doctors. At the end of the race he held up a sign that said, “thank you to my family, god, and Pat Flynn.”

While I haven’t saved anyone’s life (that I know of), Marianna’s comment is none-the-less powerful in my eyes and that’s important when you’re up at 10PM trying to finish an email.

Lesson #2: the haters are loud, but the lovers are often hiding meekly behind them.

Now things get interesting. Robert M. said:

You don’t have to burn down the house every time a heckler walks in.

Rich R. carried a similar sentiment in his response:

While you do have the freedom of using salty expression, it is in my opinion something to seriously reconsider… for many of the potential clients you could help might be put off by excessive sexual and profane rhetoric… who knows what opportunities you might be forfeiting?

I was bombarded with magnificent comments and conversations like these—I’d include all of them if it wouldn’t turn this email into a book—and there was a common thread…

You all seemed to think Jayme had made me angry.

I re-read my email and can certainly see where this might have been conveyed, but I assure you the opposite is true. Jayme reminded me of a time in my life when I felt the need to impress people like Jayme, people who clearly hadn’t taken the time to know me.

I once spent two years wearing a tie to every meeting because someone told me—as a result of my age—that no one would take me seriously otherwise. During that time, I was acting inauthentically and lying to those whom I was speaking. I was constantly under pressure to present myself and had many frantic moments running into those same people “out of dress” when around town (or out at the bars). Those were the years my business struggled the most and ultimately led me to taking a job I didn’t want, a relationship I shouldn’t have had, and a life that I wasn’t happy living. It all started with a tie.

Jayme didn’t make me angry, he reminded me of how far I’d come. His prompt reminded me that I’ve escaped the need to impress (the wrong people). It was a freeing feeling to realize this and the Respectfully, Fuck Off email was energizing to write.

To Rich’s point, I’m not worried I’m losing business. I’m driving it away intentionally.

My voice is an intentional deterrent for people with which I’m not interested to work with. If I can’t be myself then I’m not interested in aligning myself with your company. You might think I make less money as a result, but here’s some relevant math…

• stress degrades the quality of work making it harder to get better contracts
• micromanaging clients inhibit my ability to drive results and damages my portfolio
• lack of creative freedom due to lack of control sucks my time, I get paid less
• poorly managed businesses prevent commission/partnerships from being profitable

• Where in your life or business do the wrong people no longer influence you?
• Where do you struggle to find the right people by which to be influenced?