Mind you this is “fuck off” not “fuck you” — I harbor no ill will, just disinterest.
After responding to Jayme’s emails and featuring the conversation in Worst Sales Letter, I was willing to live and let live. He—yes, he’s a man—needed to deliver another directive.
Wow, you are so right Jayme. I had forgotten—after years of regularly referencing it in the sales process of my marketing agency—that in 2006, the Library of Congress signed an agreement with Twitter to catalog every tweet for all eternity. I’m such a newbie with this internet thing and haven’t ever seen social media gaffes in the press. I should really be more mindful of my tongue, and my fingers, knowing that my future children will see.
To my children, may you be reading this years in the future…
Fuck that bullshit. I make no assumptions as to the nature of Jayme’s integrity, nor his capacities as a father. Why you might ask? Simple, I have no information to make those judgements. When you make assumptions, you’re making an ass out of you and me.
Jayme tried to sell me his opinion and I politely declined. I’ve said “no thank you” but he didn’t listen. We clearly have different perspectives and I don’t need him to see mine. At this point, I know his brand of life isn’t for me and I need to tell him that clearly.
To Jayme, I’m not interested. Take me off your list and don’t call again.
Again, this isn’t to say that Jayme is in any way a bad person. He’s just not my person.
While the comical citation of Stephen Colbert could be perceived as a giant middle finger to all of you, it’s not. It’s much different, but quite simple. I will only purchase the opinions with which I’m truly interested. Even if I don’t like what you have to say, if your perspective is researched, validated, and communicated effectively — I’m going to listen intently.
I’m discounting Jayme’s perspectives on the basis that he jumped straight to declarations and hasn’t asked a single question to know who he’s talking to. That would be like me trying to sell Tinder to someone without first asking them if they’re single.
Whether you’re choosing a major in college or buying a house after marriage, don’t make assumptions, declarations, or decisions unless you’ve done your research. As I told Jayme in my response, “The thing about voices is that they change over time because we as people (hopefully) change. I’m not forty yet.” You, my children, should search further into my past as you will see that I was an immature, short tempered, fuckwad running around with my goddam head cut off and the delusional notion that I could take over the world.
Look at what I’ve built now. Want to know what changed? I did. When I invested in myself, for myself, I started to see the result that mattered to me. Why Jayme feels compelled to forcibly lecture a Random Internet Man about how he will raise children he hasn’t yet created… I haven’t the slightest clue. What I do know is that the first person you should ignore is the one who tells you what to do without asking what you’re doing.
Jayme, you say that you wouldn’t want your two small children to follow me. Great. With you as their father I highly doubt they’re in my demographic, let alone my minority.
I’ve been working brutal hours for the past 86 days of this email series and it’s been the result of more than I ever could have imagined to be possible. It’s resulted in a feature in Forbes and an interview with Shopify. I’ve gotten more offers for consulting, contracting, and partnerships than I could handle with a team of ten. Ghost Influence has grown in membership and with all the right people. All of that pales in comparison to this…
This was the first paragraph of Madi T’s response to Experience Their Orgasm:
THIS is something you’re brilliant at. Our first few email conversations ignited a blazing fire in my soul because you made me feel like I was 100% of your focus while writing your responses to me. In short, you made me feel like I was the center of the universe – the universe being our email conversations. Okay I feel such a dufus but yes, you made me feel special! And it awakened a part of me that had been dormant for so long. Thank you again! I have no clue where I’d be in my life right now if you hadn’t started these daily emails.
Fuck fame, fuck fortune, fuck everything. I’ve lived and preached the mantra “build cool shit and change the world” for six years and this is the result that matters to me the most.
Madi continued her email and respond to the notion of making people feel special. She made an extremely valid comparison to a different kind of relationship:
Cheating spouses often state that someone else, “made me feel valued, the way my husband/wife hasn’t for so long”. Similarly, many people quit their jobs because they don’t feel appreciated by their bosses.
When you don’t make people feel valued, they find value elsewhere.
She continued, sharing how the same is true when said of making yourself feel special:
I made myself feel special by exercising and having a glass of wine and some dark chocolate. The taking care of myself thing (the wine and chocolate, for example) is a very new thing for me. I often fall into the trap of taking care of others while neglecting myself and then slowly spiral down the drain of unhappiness until I’m completely miserable and lose my ability to help others.
You know what they say about helping yourself before you can help others… I’ve been trying to focus more on myself and I’ve noticed a positive change not in just in me, but in those I’m close to as well. Turns out when you have good friends, they care and can feel when you’re in a bad place, and when you get out of it, they themselves feel lighter too.
Invest in yourself just as much as you invest in others. If you don’t do the former, you find yourself getting lost in the opinions (and lives) of anyone that comes your way and the people you shouldn’t be listening to are often the loudest in the room.
Volume isn’t a measure of value.
Most of the time people force their opinions because they need to feel big externally (i.e. how you see them) because they don’t feel big internally (i.e. how they see themselves).
Opinions are like houses, once you buy them you live in them for considerable time. Don’t make a decision that will impact the rest of your life without doing your research and don’t make a purchase that you aren’t overwhelmingly excited about.
Identify the Jayme that’s in your life—someone that’s been selling you their opinion without knowledge of who you are—and shut them the fuck down. Just say, “no thanks, I’m good.”