As I write, I sit at a quaint little cafe in the heart of Medellin, Colombia and drink an astoundingly delicious Chai Tea. Blissful as it may be, acquiring my morning ‘cup of inspiration’ was exceedingly dreadful – though not as a result of anything you’d expect. Months ago, while visiting family in Florida, I spotted a photo of a rather luxurious rooftop pool in my Facebook newsfeed. So naturally, this happened…
Less than three hours after seeing the post I had booked a ticket to a foreign country I had never visited, to see friends that I had only met in person once, and do … well I figured they would help me with that. This was a big step for me. You see, I come from a family that conceptualizes foreign travel years in advance, books it months before departure, and meticulously plans every moment in excruciating detail. This story however is not one of planning, but rather one of fear. Having spent years pushing myself into unfamiliar territory, booking this ticket triggered a range of emotions that were as visceral as they were binary. My heart raced with excitement and my chest tightened with fear. My imagination flourished with possibility and my mind consumed itself with doubt. I was spinning, but I kept coming back to a single thought – there’s no turning back now.
In my race to purchase the ticket before my usual stream of illogical excuses prevented me from doing so, I did absolutely no research on the country I was preparing to visit. One small detail that escaped me as a result, English speaking residents were about as common as a sword swallowing roommate and my Spanish was “rusty” at best. Actually, I should clarify that a bit. I took two years of Spanish in middle school and barely passed my final exam. While I tended to remember a bit more of the language after a few drinks, that didn’t seem like a sustainable solution for two weeks in a foreign country.
So let’s get back to that cup of Chai Tea that now sits empty next to my laptop.
Does ordering coffee present it’s challenges when your understanding of the language is, now at the tail end of my trip, minimally functional? Absolutely, but that wasn’t what made this little red cup so painful to acquire – it was my fear of how others would perceive me… as an outsider. In this case, it was the barista wearing a Sailor Moon t-shirt who was just as cute as she was nerdy. I took a deep breath, reminded myself “you got this”, and stepped forward in the queue.
HER: Hola. ¿Cómo estás? | Hello, how are you?
ME: Muy bien. ¿Y tu? | Very well, and you?
HER: Bien! ¿Qué puedo hacer por usted? | Good! What can I get for you?
ME: Una Chai Tea, por favor | One Chai Tea please.
HER: ¿Caliente o frío? | Hot or cold?
ME: Caliente por favor | Hot please.
She starts to key it into the register and I breathe a sigh of relief. I silently celebrated the successful ordering of my tea without looking like a stupid ‘Gringo Papaya’ (common slang for American tourists). The total appeared on the screen facing me and I started to reach for my wallet when I realized an opportunity – the kind of opportunity I had long ago promised myself I wouldn’t ignore. Her shirt, purposely matched with her pink hat, was begging for a compliment.
Whether you’re engaging with a human being or a dog, a good friend or a total stranger, in person or online… paying a genuine compliment is immensely powerful in a multitude of ways. As I learned in Dale Carnegie’s ‘How To Win Friends And Influence People’ and have experienced myself, a well placed compliment can make someone smile for the day or the decade. Sound trivial? Think again. I was able to grow one of my client’s Facebook fans by 266% and increase the engagement on his page over 640% simply by paying compliments to people in the audience – thus building affinity and progressing a conversation. People gravitate towards things that make them feel good… and Facebook developed a way of measuring that. In marketing, if you’re able to make people genuinely like you – you’ll be able to make money.
“Compliments cost nothing, yet many pay dear for them.” ~ Thomas Fuller
While I consider myself a Complimenting Ninja in the online world, I have been fearful of doing it in person ever since reading Dale Carnegie’s book. Afraid of paying a compliment? Crazy, I know. However people can reject compliments in the same way (all of the) girls rejected my offer to be their boyfriend throughout elementary school and it hurts just the same. The key, as I found, is in the emotions behind your words. While I didn’t like Sailor Moon myself, I did have a favorite t-shirt and I wanted to make her feel as amazing as I did when someone complimented me wearing it. So I took a breath, smiled, and said…
ME: Me gusta tu camisa. | I like your shirt.
HER: Mucho gusto! | Thank you!
She smiled, ear-to-ear… and has continued to do so every time she looks at me in the hour I’ve been writing this. While I didn’t get her phone number, a free coffee, or a connection to my next big client – it felt amazing to know that I had brightened her day. And maybe, just maybe – my comment will make her smile just as big when she wears that shirt again.
Paying compliments on Facebook is the social media equivalent of hanging fly paper in a shit factory.
— My Social Sherpa (@My_SocialSherpa) October 31, 2014
Try it for yourself. Whether on your Facebook page, in the comments on your website, or within an email to a client – go find an opportunity to compliment someone and take advantage of the moment to make someone’s day (or decade). You can compliment them on their approach to a problem, their dedication to a project, their new website, or even their colorful email signature. Find something that stands out and tell them how it makes you feel. It’s about lunch time here in Medellin and these are the compliments I’ve paid so far today:
In response to someone preparing to interview me on their podcast:
In response to a busy colleague turning down my offer for a joint venture:
In response to a conference coordinator’s apology for emailing the wrong list:
In response to someone in my advertising course’s beta program:
The path to creating an audience of raving fans is paved with bricks of value. And genuine compliments, just like amazing content, are yet another form of stone you can lay. Like anything else in life, practice makes perfect. So whether you’re complimenting a barista or a telemarketer, your mailman or your mother, or someone commenting on your Facebook page – take the opportunity to share what you appreciate about them.
Let me know in the comments below what opportunities you take advantage of today and how your compliments are received – you might be surprised what returns to you as a result.